Motherhood and Perfection

I'm sure many of us mamas probably wonder many times throughout the day about how good of a job we're doing at this whole motherhood thing. Especially as a SAHM who spends all day long with her child or the working mother who gets her weekend off with her children, we likely ponder over whether or not we're using our days wisely and to the best of our motherly abilities. 

I have my days like any person where I'm exhausted (my child has never slept all night); I have my days where I'm moody and my days where I don't feel 100%. Like any adult, I like to just sit there and whine a bit about it when I feel like that. Then I feel guilty because my morning consisted of me sitting on the sofa rather than going outside and exploring the world with my baby.

Oops.

There's moments were us mamas likely wonder if we played on our phone too much or if that hour we spent trying desperately to get a blog post up or heck even just to clean out our closet, was an hour that our child felt like mama was too busy. When I think of these things I always think that it's no different than if I was a work at home mama (which in a way I am) or even so, if I worked away from home.

Still though

, there's always that guilt or little voice second guessing myself. 

I have my days like many mamas where I wonder if I did enough educational activities with my child.

Did I teach her something new today?

Did I try to teach her a few new words? Was our playtime used wisely?

Am I doing a good job at this stay at home mama thing? 

There are times where I wonder if there is something else that I should be doing with my child. Should we spend hours outside every day even though it is sometimes scorching hot and our outside play area is limited? Heck, did I read enough books to her?

Crap, we forgot to read any books before bedtime tonight. 

Did those twenty minutes of television that I allowed my child to give myself a short break hinder her brain development?

Crap, I really could use another twenty minutes just so I can cook this dinner.

Just how bad would it be to let her watch yet

another

episode of Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood? 

There are days where I just want to run away and hide under a rock because I feel like I need a break; is that wrong (hey my husband has been out of state for over a month)? There are days where my child won't play independently but rather just sits there crying at my feet which in turn leads to me holding her quite a bit.

Am I doing something wrong? 

Yes, these are some of the thoughts I have and that I'm sure we all have at one point or another. 

But you know what?

I never have a day where I feel like I didn't cuddle, kiss or hug my child enough.

I never second guess whether or not I showed my baby enough love, because I know that if anything, that's all I did. Sure we may not have had the most educational day, but I can tell you that my child had a day where she felt loved, safe and happy (despite the random crying). 

Sometimes, often times, we cuddle on the carpet in the living room for minutes. We lay there, nose to nose, just staring into each other's eyes and laughing. I tickle her and kiss her one thousand times in that very moment. I lie there often and let her climb all over me and lay on top of me, two hearts beating simultaneously together as she just lays there resting peacefully on me.

That's perfection.

I know I'm not perfect. I'm sure there are days where I played on my phone a little too much and I'm sure there's another mother out there who did a fancier, educational activity than me that day.

And while I can sit there and wonder if I did a "good enough job" that day, at least I always know that I loved more than enough that day.

I think all of us can all say we have our good days and our bad days. Some days we do much more engaging activities with our children, and some rainy, exhausting days we're just a tad bit lazy.

But motherhood can be exhausting so I guess that is okay, right? 

The beauty of it is that to our child, we are always perfect.

As long as we love completely, I'd say then that we're all doing a

perfectly

good job. 

So mama, do you ever feel like this?

Thanks for reading, Sasha