Why I Find Joy Going Against the Grain as a Mother

Would you say that you were a follower or a leader when you were growing up?

Would you say that you typically go against the grain or break the status quo? Do you defy the typical ideals of what you’re expected to do and be as a person? A mother? A new mom?

Growing up I wasn’t a follower for sure, but I would also say I wasn’t a head strong leader. In some ways I still had a strong grasp on wondering what others would think or say about me.

When I had my first child I had no idea just how much I would turn around and "go against the grain.” I had no idea how much I’d not really care if I did things differently. I had no idea how much I’d pave a way to share and educate others and guide so many. But ever since that first birth, where I went against the grain then, I’ve seemed to go against the grain ever since.

Here’s the thing…there’s no right or wrong way to parent. There’s no reason why you have to go against the grain or break the status quo, and honestly, do we even always know what the “grain” even is and is it the same for everyone? For me, the “grain” is what is typical, what is more expected, what is more popular and what tends to be the ways in which most of us just naturally conform to.

In so many ways, I have tried to defy that. I was told I could never have a natural birth, I did it to prove everyone wrong. I was told don’t bother with cloth diapers because they are gross and messy, I turned around and did it and then opened a cloth diaper store. I was told to stop breastfeeding, so I breastfed even longer. I was told don’t hold my baby too much, so I wore my baby quite often. I was told I’d probably rarely use my baby food maker, so I used it and then shared the recipes with the world. I was told that I was a hippie, so I became even hippier. The list goes on.

I have been told time and time again to not do something or that my own abilities won’t allow me to do something. So I have turned around and did it with more motivation than before. But why was I told NOT to do something? The reason: because it wasn’t normal. It went against the grain and looked different than what others were doing.

What I have learned as a mother is that I enjoy going against the grain. I enjoy defying the common standards that seem to be in place for mothers and people in general. Not because it makes me any better or because there’s a right or wrong way (I wash my kid’s poopy diapers y’all, that’s not right LOL), I defy the standards because going against the grain has brought me joy and FREEDOM.

Going against the grain brings about a sense of freedom. It brings about a since of knowing who you are, what you stand for and being confident in your decisions. I defy the standards confidently and somehow have been blessed to become a voice for others as we pave the way to do things a little different, a little more naturally and a little more simple. It has been a true joy to see that my advocacy on certain passions of mine has spiraled into helping others go the same route simply because that felt right for them too!

What I have also found is that going against the grain as a mother, means that I get to sometimes tell the mainstream culture that it’s not quite for me. It’s to defy Facebook who won’t let me advertise Christian posts by turning around and writing even more about Jesus Christ. What I have found about going against the grain is that so often in there I find some Jesus; because sadly in many ways Jesus Christ is censored in our mainstream world. I find Him within the scriptures of my essential oils; within the deep prayers of my births and He’ll be woven all throughout our newest venture: homeschooling (a pre-pandemic decision). Yes, we are totally and completely going against the grain…again.

So why have I found myself breaking away from the status quo so many times, especially as a mother? Simply because it felt right. Because that’s where my heart led us to or where God led us to. It’s never because it’s the right way or the better way, it was simply the right way for us.

How each and every family parents their children is done simply out of what feels right. There is no wrong way to love your children and decide what is best for them. Each and every family is always aching to do what is best - it’s the greatest role ever to be a parent and sometimes it’s the hardest journey to decide what feels right for you. And often times, even harder to break away and go a different, unexpected route.

If you’re a new mama, I want you to know that it is okay to be different. It’s okay to not need ALLLLL the baby contraptions. It’s okay to choose cloth diapers. It’s okay to breastfeed well past one or to choose formula or to make your own formula. It’s okay to birth at home or in a tub or in the hospital. It’s okay to send your children to public school or decide that you want the freedom that homeschooling brings. It’s okay to put your child in all the sports you want or decide that you prefer the slower paced life. It’s okay to sit down and research something because you’re not sure that what everyone else seems to do is right for you. (HELLO, IT’S ME).

What’s never okay is to judge. What’s never okay is to compare and wonder if you’re doing it right or that they’re doing it wrong. There are reasons woven throughout our stories as parents that explain why we do the things we do, and sometimes those reasons don’t always need all the explanation in the world. But we also need to provide safe spaces for mothers to talk and engage in conversations, no matter how much we differ in the way we parent.

Going against the grain as a mother has taught me who I am; what I am passionate about; has created a way for others; and has strengthened my faith. It has brought us freedom to be who we are. I hope that no matter if you break away from the grain repeatedly, just a little, or not at all…I hope you find freedom, joy and peace as a mother. At the end of the day, all we can ever hope for is the freedom to be the mom we were meant to be!