God Hears Us; the Story of Our Judah

The first time I ever saw a version of this Mary was in July right when I had found out I was pregnant. I was immediately drawn to her and her beauty (and her baby bump clearly). As mothers, we can all learn so much from her and find so much comfort in her. She’s someone I long to learn more about. What a heart of God to have her life changed so suddenly with her news and to follow it so obediently, without question or doubt. We can learn from her daily. At our church gift shop last night I told my friends I wanted the pregnant Mary. I turned the corner a few minutes later and there she was. I couldn’t resist bringing her into our home so we can all be reminded to follow God’s will no matter how hard it may be.

Have you ever been in a situation where you just need God to hear you? To answer you? You’re praying and praying for signs, for direction, for answers and you feel like you’re getting nowhere in your journey?

I was there, for a long time. Always trying to find the answer I was desperately praying for or to see the signs that maybe I was missing. What I I have learned though is that God does hear you and He will answer you - in His timing. It takes patience, it takes stillness and it takes forming an intimate relationship with Him. Our prayers are never left or ignored, God is always listening.

You see I prayed for over a year, every day, all the time about growing our family. As hard as it is to sometimes say that when I know so many people struggling to have just one miracle, I was always praying about whether or not a fourth child was meant to complete our family. Four was the number we said for so long, but after three kids it’s easy to get caught up in the chaos and craziness of it all; and to decide to stay there, where it’s comfortable.

My husband was quite content and adamant that another baby really wasn’t on his agenda, but he always said it was ultimately up to me. So I prayed for over a year because I knew I had to make my mind up eventually. Confusion doesn’t even begin to explain how I felt. One day another baby made perfect sense in all of the beautiful, cozy ways, and then the next day life was hard, I was exhausted and another baby sounded like the craziest thing ever.

For over a year it was a “mind battle” for me. There were tears, there was desperate prayers and help sought from prayer groups. I’d change my little one’s diaper one day and I’d be lost in the thoughts of it all. As I would watch my children play I would try to convince myself that we were content, that my heart was content. Over time though I knew I was just lying to myself and trying to answer for God before He could give me the real answer.

And on the days where I thought I for sure wanted one more baby, fear struck me. We see so much in this world and on social media about complications, rare diseases, defects and so much more. I was struck with this overwhelming fear that there’s no earthly way possible people can have a bunch of healthy pregnancies and children. All we typically see nowadays is families with 2-3 children, I wondered if four children was pushing our luck. Fear kept me from saying yes for so long - but I now know that fear doesn’t come from God. But the desires that we feel in our heart DO come from up above!

So I did what I thought felt right and I prayed for signs. in January of 2019 while at a work event, the speaker turned on a worship song and asked us to close our eyes and envision our life. In the middle of growth for my home based business, I tried to focus on that. Instead, this perfectly sweet baby kept appearing on my lap. He was sitting up, big round eyes and smiling just as sweet as could be. I couldn’t stop seeing him and I walked away from that event believing that this was my sign I had prayed for. But sometimes we can be doubtful, so I later convinced myself that perhaps I imagined the baby on my own. I was so lost and torn still.

I then changed my prayer from asking for signs to asking to hear His voice tell me what was right for our family. I had heard of so many people saying that God spoke to them, led them and directed their life. Why couldn't He do the same for me? My relationship with Him had grown tremendously so I thought it was time to change my prayer to a very bold one. I prayed for God to just tell me if another child was meant for me.

In March after praying this prayer several times, He answered me and He gave me so much more. As I called out, “I wish you would just tell me.” He followed that up with, “You’re supposed to have a son named Judah.” I froze in my tracks because at first this seemed like I imagined this. But who was Judah? Where did the name come from? I didn’t even really care for that name so why would I make this up? I tried to ignore it, but He kept speaking it to me for hours. So finally I searched the name to realize that I didn’t imagine this. No. Jesus spoke so boldly to me that day to answer me.

Judah was the FOURTH child of Jacob and Leah in the book of Genesis. And as Genesis 29:35 says, “She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, "This time I will praise the LORD." So she named him Judah. Then she stopped having children.” Man, that hit me hard. The number four, the meaning of praise. All I could suddenly imagine was trusting God, having a healthy baby and praising the Lord because He heard me, answered me and provided for me. All I could now envision was this baby showing me that trusting God and following His will (and not the world’s ways) is what will bring true peace and contentment.

But since I am not perfect, I still questioned Him. I couldn’t just commit right away to His will for me. Unlike Mary in my picture above, I am far more broken and had to keep battling with Him. On my hardest days of motherhood, I’d question Him and Him being rather funny, He’d send it all right back. Judah came over the radio, it came in Facebook posts and more. As I cleaned my home hours after asking Him why He’d guide me to another child after struggling all day with three, I pulled out papers from a bookshelf on the “Kings of Judah.” As I sat poolside in June on a childless getaway, I thought maybe we should just stay as we were. Yet swimming in the pool was a little boy named Judah to my surprise. When I questioned Him, He showed up.

Today I sit here pregnant with a little boy named Judah, son of Jake (which Jake is originally derived from the name Jacob). There’s no coincidences - there’s just God. And what I have learned is that doing God’s will isn’t always easy. The enemy wants us to live and follow the world, to live in fear and to stray. And following God’s will comes with challenges.

The first sixteen weeks of my pregnancy was meant with darkness as my usual morning sickness took hold of me. But this time the thoughts that took over my mind daily was straight from the enemy. Fear. Resentment. Almost regret. Words I hate to even type. When you’re sick and you have other children and responsibilities, life is hard. The enemy came after me and on many days won. But now I know he came after me so fiercely because I was strictly following God on this journey and putting my trust in Him. On my hardest, most exhausting days as a mother, I still have to put my trust in Him. He has me through this as He has us all. Motherhood is hard no matter if it’s one child or four, but if we don’t have God on our side, then we are missing our truest counselor, our most honest companion and our saving grace. Without Him life isn’t nearly as peaceful or meaningful.

But what I have learned through this journey is that He can’t just be placed on the back burner, even though in the busyness of life He often gets put there. I’m broken and not perfect and there are days where my time with Him slips through the cracks. I speak to Him in rushed ways, with noise all around me or when my head hits the pillow. But what I can say is that the days where Him and I meet together in the stillness, in the quiet, and have intentional time - those days of motherhood are much better. He brings light and peace.

Our Judah isn’t here yet as we still have time to go, but his story evolves more each day. He kicks away and I know that God sent me another blessing and that by trusting in Him I will find true peace and joy and contentment. I long for the seconds of seeing this baby, holding him, and praising the Lord for him. Our Judah is proof that God answers prayers, even if it takes a year for an answer.

You see, God hears us. He heard me the whole time but He answered me in His timing. It’s easy for us to get lost and believe that God isn’t hearing us or providing for us. But the truth is, He’s always there. We are never alone, we are never speaking to nothing and we are never seeing unanswered prayers. We just have to be patient, be still and know and listen when we can. We can’t set the pace, we can’t speed up the process, we can’t always get things at our way and on our time. God has a plan and if we just stay in relationship with Him, He will guide us. Sure sometimes the answers look different than what we thought of or even desired, but I believe it’s all about trusting His will and learning as we grow with Him to understand why.

I pray that for any mama out there reading this that is praying for a baby, whether it’s their first or another one that is taking longer than expected, that you don’t give up hope. You are seen and loved and heard. And my heart goes out to you and my prayers are always sent to the woman hoping to bring life into this world. And yes, sometimes the plans don’t quite make sense…but we can’t give up on Him.

We can’t give up on Him because He won’t give up on us. We have to trust, be still and know. And we sometimes have to pray like we’ve never prayed before.