Less Fussing, More Mothering

"I hate that you're always fussing her." 

Those words stung me. Like a dagger in the back type of sting. Like a, "I want to crawl into a hole and never come out because I suck so much" type of sting. 

You see we just recently moved, like yesterday. My husband took three days off of work and of course in the chaos, my already rambunctious two year old was making things even harder and crazier for me. You can't blame her really; the attention hasn't been the best obviously because of all the unpacking and organizing going on and of course, a new home is a lot for a two year old to process. My husband didn't say that to me because he didn't agree with it, he was just making a general statement. 

And I totally get it. Because I hate always fussing too. 

But when someone else tells it to you, there's no doubt that you just want to sit and cry. You just want to sit and wonder why can't you get your life together for five minutes and be the cookie cutter mother that you want to be. 

I knew motherhood would be hard and I knew there would be bad days and I wasn't naive to believe that I would never yell at my children. But there are days where you just take a glimpse at yourself and try to see yourself from the outside, like a stranger looking in through the windows, and you realize that you'd be so humiliated and upset at what they saw. 

You can read post after post about how to not yell at your children and you can pin gentle parenting techniques all day long and in my case, order fancy no drama discipline books that you never have the time to read. Why? Because you're too exhausted after the kids go to bed to sit down and read a book about how to handle the chaos when you really just want to  Netflix + wine away the chaos (truth be told, I want to finish my damn book). 

I don't want to be the mom who yells too much. I don't want to be the mom who goes to bed defeated, vulnerable and disappointed. That's not who I want to be and it's a far cry away from that cookie cutter mom that we all strive to be in some way or another. At the end of the day, we all want what is best for our child.  

The reality of it is that we can't be perfect. We can't be that perfect mother who is always just so calm and relaxed - because that is completely the wrong depiction of motherhood. We can't always have the perfect amount of patience and we can't always have our life together for each second of the day. 

But I don't want to be "the hot mess mother" either. I want to be intentional, creative, adventurous, calm, patient, fun and just the right amount of authority that they need. I want to be lost in the moments making memories and taking each day slowly. I want to not be afraid to let my kitchen get messy while they help me cook and I want to be fine with the fact that they are making a mess somewhere. 

Perhaps our modern life of TOO MUCH stuff, too many responsibilities, too many errands, too many activities and invites leads us to too much to process. We get overworked, overwhelmed and we lose our patience. What if your child really didn't need to be fussed but because you were so tired, you snapped for no reason? Guilty. 

Maybe you're like me and you're looking for a fresh start. Maybe you're wanting a clean slate and maybe you'll finally finish that parenting book you ordered so you can learn how to possibly be better. Or maybe, you're fine. Maybe, actually probably so, you're doing alright and you're just being too hard on yourself. Perhaps the person looking at you from the outside thinks you're doing an amazing job. 

So here's to being intentional. Here's to being patient. Here's to less fussing and less timeouts and more cuddles and messes. Because as cliche as it is, the days are long...but the years are short.